Imagine the day you stop making assumptions with your partner and possibly with everyone in your life. The day you stop making assumptions, you will communicate cleanly and clearly, without emotional poison. With clear communication, all your relationships will change, not only with your partner, but also with everyone. You don`t need to make assumptions because everything becomes clear. That is what I want; that`s what you want. When you communicate in this way, your word becomes impeccable. If all people communicated in this way, with the perfection of speech, there would be no wars, no violence, no misunderstandings. All human problems would be solved if only we could have good, clear communication. Read about the Fourth Agreement and Friendship here! People feel the need to explain and justify everything; We need knowledge, and we make assumptions to meet our need to know.
We don`t care whether knowledge is true or not. Truth or fiction, we believe 100% in what we believe, and we continue to believe in it, because just having knowledge makes us feel safe. There are so many things that the mind cannot explain; we have all these questions that need to be answered. But instead of asking questions when we don`t know something, we make all sorts of assumptions. If we only ask questions, we don`t have to make assumptions. It`s always best to ask and be clear. Today is a perfect day to reconnect with yourself and your human experience. If you`re like me, there are stories you depend on or feel a little too comfortable with.
This process of undoing these assumptions and reconnecting with your true nature of love will take time and patience, but you have already taken the powerful first step. I hope you are proud of yourself! Again, through this process, you can document your support system and remember the many people and places you can turn to to make a connection. The problem with assumptions is that we believe they are the truth! We invent a whole story that is only the truth for us, but we believe in it. One hypothesis leads to another; we jump to conclusions and take our story very personally. Then we blame others and respond by sending emotional poison with our word. Making assumptions and taking them personally creates a lot of emotional poison, and it creates quite a great drama for nothing. We make assumptions, we believe we are right with our assumptions, and then we defend our assumptions and try to harm someone else. We even assume that we are right with something, to the point that we will destroy relationships in order to defend our position. I read a book called The Four Agreements of Don Miguel Ruiz, and an entire chapter was devoted to raising awareness of our tendencies to make assumptions. The chapter is entitled “Don`t Make Assumptions.” The third agreement offers an invitation to interrupt these hypotheses, which come from a wounded and wounded place rather than from the truth. “These assumptions are made so quickly and unconsciously most of the time because we have agreements to communicate this way. We agreed that it is not safe to ask questions; We agreed that if people love us, they should know what we want or feel.
If we believe something, we assume we are right, to the point where we will destroy relationships to defend our position. Check out the last two articles on how to apply the first and second agreements to friendship. Then, come back and learn more about the third chord. Taking nothing personally gives you immunity in the interaction you have with other people, and not making assumptions gives you immunity in the interaction you have with yourself, with your voice of knowledge or what we call thought. I feel it in my stomach. Just reading this sentence makes me think. A hypothesis is a thought you have that lacks evidence or facts. It seems like a slow drip of assumptions seeps into my head all day long.
Often, these assumptions lead to feelings of isolation. For example, if I notice (uh, because of social media) that mutual friends are out at dinner, I might automatically assume that they intentionally excluded me, that I don`t fit in, that they post to make me jealous, and that I just don`t know how to have friends. Has anyone ever thrown himself into this kind of tornado of the Assumption?! People tend to make assumptions about everything. There are so many things that the mind cannot explain; we have all these questions that need to be answered. But instead of asking questions when we don`t know something, we make all sorts of assumptions. We have a strong imagination and start imagining all kinds of ideas and stories. We begin to imagine what others do, what they think, what they say about us, and we dream of things in our imagination. “Making assumptions in our relationships is really problematic. We often assume that our partners know what we are thinking and that we do not have to say what we want.
We assume they will do what we want because they know us so well. When they don`t do what we think they should do, we feel so hurt and say, “You should have known.” I appreciate your comment. Thank you for your kind words. Not taking things personally and not making assumptions is very closely related because the two are based on our own reality. If you can accept that other people have different realities than yours (based on their beliefs, experiences, etc.), you can begin to see that their words and actions are about them, not you. This applies to both agreements because they go hand in hand. We assume we know what people are thinking, and then we customize it to do it about us. If you`re waiting for a text from someone and they`re not coming, you might think it`s because they`ve met someone else. It`s both adopted (you don`t know if they`ve met anyone) and personalized (you think it`s because you`re not good enough). They are different, but often go together. When someone withdraws, it`s more because of their own fears than because of you.
If I have time, I will try to add a longer answer on my FB Live at Noon PST on Thursday. Thus… His question about it: “`Assumptions & Truth vs. Fantasy` in an insecure relationship, I wonder how `not being confronted with the uncomfortable truth that your partner may not want to commit to you` (so you assume other reasons) and how `mirrors for each other` are not pure personalization. You have to ask questions because the whole way we avoid asking questions leads us to accept instead. Make sense? When we spend all our time embracing and inventing fantasies instead of dealing with the truth of a situation (not just asking, but being clear about WHY we are in this relationship where every detail about the position of one of the two people is unclear). When it comes to mirrors – EVERYONE is a mirror to you. EACH. The things hidden in our subconscious can be revealed by looking at how we judge the behavior of others and yet we do not seek them within ourselves. That`s all – you don`t customize them at all – if you want to know more about yourself and why you`re in this position. You use them to see yourself. When you personalize, you create stories. When you personalize, you do what they do ABOUT YOU.
Two different things. Does that make sense? 🙂 Making assumptions won`t help. You`re not a mind reader, and you never know what someone else really thinks. Practicing the principle of “do not make assumptions” certainly requires some practice if you often tend to make assumptions. Don Miguel Ruiz believes that assumptions can lead to suffering, so it`s best to avoid assumptions. “The whole war of control between people is about making assumptions and taking things personally.” In addition to the book and audiobook, an eBook, a four-color illustrated book, a card game, and an online course are also available. [1] Focus your attention on your assumptions. .